Clash of the Yawns

So we took the kids to see Clash of the Titans today. Deciding that since it was originally made in 2-D, and the extra cost of 3-D, we opted to go for 2-D.

Without giving away major spoilers, I can say the following:

I love Greek and Roman mythology. I went through a phase in my youth where I devoured books about it. This movie raped my childhood. I am, perhaps, a bit harsh, but I'm also coming from a childhood where I grew up watching the original 1981 Clash of the Titans movie. This aint it.

In my opinion, the film makers decided they wanted to make the bad-ass mother of all monsters, the Kraken, and then just kind of fudged a story around that. I was never able to emotionally connect with the hero Perseus (played by the main guy from Avatar). He seemed surly and angry and brooding the entire time and *checks IMDB* yep I thought so his Australian accent creeps in throughout his dialogue making me go where the hell are you supposed to be from again??

In order to drive the plot the filmmakers throw in a bunch of random sketchily described characters that thankfully you never really get attached to since you know they're all monster-fodder for the most part. The hunters are amusing, if albeit a complete mystery as to who they are or why they are even in the city.

The liberties taken with traditional mythology had me grinding my teeth throughout, and a few times I was like WTF seriously? UGH.

The action scenes were for the most part so rapid-paced I feel like I missed half of what was happening. The whole movie felt rushed, thank goodness for the plot device of having someone with them the whole time that "knows the way". What a time saver!

Now.. having said all that, I can tell you it was at least entertaining, esp I'm assuming if you have NO knowledge of the prior movie (psst.. watch for a nod to that movie in this one -- that was awesome!), and NO knowledge of mythology. The kids liked it far more than I did, being less critical.

And, Pegasus rocked. No, seriously. Like.. they did such a good job on him I was in awe. I want him. Did I mention my favorite-ist horse breed in the entire world is Friesians? Now, take one, add REALLY good cgi wings. Yeah.. instant WIN. I admit it, I'm a horse lover so I notice horses in movies. Friesians tend to be used quite a bit since they are so striking, elegant, and have amazing natural action. Lem has told me he'll go back to college for genetic engineering and will find a way to splice wings onto a friesian. He's da man.

If Life Was Like The Matrix *spoilers*

I will be discussing certain plot points from the movie "The Matrix" in this post, so if you haven't seen it, then WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU GO WATCH IT RIGHT NOW!
Anyway..

Society today is all about instant gratification. We want our food cooked FAST! Even the microwave doesn't cook stuff fast enough. Hate waiting through commercials? DVR that sucker and you can fast forward through them later. I want my tax refund NOW NOW NOOOWW!!

I've often come across situations where I really really wished that life was like the Matrix. No, not the freaky pod-people-as-batteries part, I'm talking about the vast database of knowledge you can plug into your head and INSTANT LEARN. I mean, seriously, is that not the very DEFINITION of instant gratification?! When I start to even try to consider all the stuff I'd want crammed into my brain, I wonder if perhaps the brain has a capacity that I'd reach (yes yes, I know we only use 1/3 or something ridiculous of our brain, but I'm talking MAJOR CRAMMAGE here).

Some of the stuff I'd Jack into:

1. Martial Arts. Yes, ALL of them. I want to be able to defend myself with so many different styles it would be so amazing the bad guys would just stop in their tracks and be like.. "daaammn.."

2. Sign Language Interpreting. I want hardcoded in my brain all the brilliance of my learned collegues, their experience, their skills. You never stop learning in this job..

3. Cooking. I want to be able to know how to scratch cook ANYTHING from ANYTHING. So I could go on Iron Chef and KICK THEIR BUTTS if I wanted to. But I don't. But I *COULD* and that's the point.

4. Financial Planning. If I could learn how to invest wisely, plus capitalize on investments, that would be cool. Then I could buy an island somewhere and lay out in the shade there, drinking fancy girlie-girl drinks with umbrellas and be fanned by a big palm leaf by some scantily-clad cabana boy. Don't worry Lem could have a scantily-clad cabana girl fanning him. I believe in equality in fanning.

5. Gardening. Bring on the green thumbs! I can't even keep a house plant alive right now, I have a feeling if I tried to grow stuff now for food it would turn out like Invasion of the Pod People and try to replace us.

6. Photography. I could actually take a picture that isn't the wrong exposure, or blurry?! And I'd know all about composition, and whatever else photography-smart people know?? Sign me up!

7. Fitness. I'd like to tap into all the fitness trainer knowledge so I could figure out an exercise regime that I'd like and would work and understand the Why's and the How's etc. Floundering around trying to do stuff on your own without knowing what you really need to do kinda sucks.

8. Fashion Designing. I want a direct peek at all those famous designers' minds. Not because I want to do to that line of work, but so I can figure out what the fuck they are thinking designing such messed-up, freaky-assed, pieces of crap that only an anorexic 6 ft tall supermodel could fit into. SERIOUSLY.

9. Piloting. I'd like to know how to fly all kinds of aerocraft.. big planes, little planes, helicopters, etc. If I'm ever on a commercial flight, and the pilot has a heart attack, I want to be able to land that sucker pretty as a picture not like something out of Airplane.

10. Balloon animals. I want to be able to make the Michelangelo of balloon animals. Like.. God will look down and go.. "wow, even *I* couldn't make a balloon palm tree that realistic!"

Yes, I know I could probably learn all this stuff given time, money, and effort. Did you miss the whole "instant gratification" part earlier?? Helloooo.. Yes, I realize that most of these are rather selfish. I don't want to know Doctoring, or Veterinarianing (?), or any other truly altruistic amazing thing that could probably allow me to solve world hunger. I suppose eventually when I'd learned all the really "fun" stuff I'd get to serious stuff like that. Right after I learn how to make bubble wrap.

Del

Stockholming Myself, Day 6

Today we spent all day out looking at houses for sale and OMG WE PUT AN OFFER ON ONE!!! It's a short-sale, which in house-buying terms usually means it's anything *but* short. Plus the asking price is well below what it's worth so we'll have to see if the bank accepts it or not. Still .. *fingers crossed*.

Anyway, because of that, got home hot, and windblown so this is all I could do today:



This is obviously a "boy shirt" as it seems to just be a tent, however it's very comfortable and loose which is good cause it's hot in here today!

Any ideas of what to do about my jeans -- these jeans are now.. *almost* 2 sizes too big (yay) but the only other jeans I have that are smaller are *just* a little too tight. And holey. Should I just stick it out with these til I can fit more comfortably into the smaller ones? I hate belts, and these are falling off me! This is probably why I resort to PJ bottoms most of the time when I'm home.

More info on how to join found here: http://temerity-jane.com/?p=2943 Stockholming Myself: It’s looking at yourself every single day until you like what you see – either through change or through acceptance.

Crack for Kids

So today our daughter was invited to a birthday party for a friend from school. We had plans to go to the family cabin this weekend and just veg, but since it was her first out-of-school social interaction invitation since we moved here we deemed it to be important enough to delay our cabin visit to another weekend.

The party is being held at the Family Fun Center & Bullwinkle's Restaurant. Now, back east we have Magic Mountain and other "Fun Activity Center" places where you can have parties. This was like that. On steroids. Multi-level, main floor with a couple rides that can seat 10-20 kids and do movement, virtual reality games, shooting, driving, you-name-it-games, laser tag upstairs along with a ton more games, outside they had go-karts, a huge minigolf course, a batting cage area as big as my house, a carousel, fair-type rides like swings, minibungee swings, and more. Basically crack for kids. Almost all the games give tickets so you can pump more $$ into the token machines so your little darling can get the next level of crappy toy for a gazillion tickets.

I snapped a few pics on the way out, sorry for the blurry I didn't want to use flash cause I didn't want draw attention to myself and look like some freaky pedophilish stalker person for taking pics of random people and not my kid.



Looking down from the upstairs level at a portion of the floor games.



Cripes *I* want to go play in that climby-gym thing. Too bad I'd get stuck in the tunnels.



Upstairs, Laser Tag is back and to the left.



Looking down the stairs towards the entrance.



They also have a full-sized restaurant/buffet, where you hold the parties I assume.



Indoor bumper cars. INDOOR FREAKIN BUMPER CARS. Can I live here?



The virtual reality Space Coaster ride, that apparently also even flips you upside down. Wheeee!



The carousel outside. They didn't have all the outside rides open, I'm assuming because it was only 58 degrees out. The outside rides/games on the other side of the building were all up and running though.

The best part? Our kids both have birthdays coming up in May and June, and how much you want to bet our daughter wants to have hers here? *shudder*

A Walk In The Park

A couple weeks ago it was the first really NICE day since forever, and it was warm, so we went for a walk in a local park. You can click on pics to see bigger versions.



On the left are docks that you can fish from, or swim from (NO DIVING!).



BIG tree trunk.. and again:



Our daughter is just like me, she likes to climb and explore everything. Our son is a teenager. He likes to pretend he doesn't like to climb and explore everything.



She so wanted to jump into the water from there.





I'm not familiar with some of the birds of this state/area, so these ones on the log are a mystery, and they made the WEIRDEST noises!! Loons?? I don't know. By the time we walked around the trail to be closer some guys in a canoe had scared them away (boo!).




Even the grass is celebrating Spring!




The magic Mr. Rainier.


Ok they have these trees here that produce seed packets that look like little caterpillars hanging from the tree. We call them Caterpillar Trees:



Now that it's a couple weeks later these have all fallen off the trees and when they're all over the ground it's like trying to walk over a whole bunch of dead caterpillars. Ew.



Oh, btw, be careful cause you might get EATEN BY A BEAR while walking in the park.



Oh look! It's the unofficial State Flower -- MOSS! I actually didn't realize how many varieties/textures of moss existed til we moved here, they are actually rather pretty. Moss here is like what kudzu is to the south eastern states -- it takes over and destroys everything if not controlled.



Climb, my little mountain goat!

It's not a fun park walk unless you Off Road it, let's go THERE!






Lem patiently waits for us all at the top:

Peek-a-boo!


Everything's in bloom - yay!!





View from 3/4 around the lake, walking up a side road:






Lots of folks here have wood-carved lawn ornaments, nice eagles!



This is one of the houses you walk by when you're walking up the road to get back to the park entrance. Weird.



I'm pretty sure this ivy is going to take over that house in the background eventually.



I just want to get a bow and arrow and shoot through that hole. Of course I'd miss.



Crossing the creek.. we managed to not fall in!! Yay us! Wait.. what's that floating in the creek??



Oh cool! It's a baby tree!

Stockholming Myself, Day 5

So today I tried to have my daughter take a pic of me, but after about 15 pics of too dark, too bright, red-eyed demon woman, blurry, I gave up and just went into our downstairs bathroom for a quick shot. Did I mention I like this color? I have at least 3 shirts that color..

Also, because they are so awesome, here are the uber warm ultra soft socks I'm wearing:

Stockholming Myself, Day 4

So yeah still not feeling well, still in work clothes and feeling goofy, so there you go.

in review: Stockholming is the brain-child of blogger Temerity Jane, more info here:
http://ow.ly/1wW95

If I Drank Beer

I'm not really much of an alcohol-drinker, Internet. I prefer the froo-froo sweet Shirley Temple type drinks that require little colorful umbrellas, if I drink at all, which is almost never. I can't STAND hard alcohol like whiskey or rum, it all tastes like what I imagine rubbing alcohol would taste. Beer.. BLEAH. I've tried really cheap beer (hello Pabst), I've tried fancy beer (something like Killian's), I've tried the dark lagers my friend Bart likes.. all of it tastes the same to me. It tastes like Beer. Which is gross.

However..

I listen to the local Alternative radio station when I'm driving anywhere. It's the kind of music I tend to listen to, plus if for no other reason it'd be worth it to hear the Bud Light commercials. For those of you who may not already know, Bud Light has a brilliantly hilarious series of radio commercials called the "Real Men of Genius". They make heroes out of your everyday person that you may not have thought of as a hero.. like the guy who invented the concert t-shirt launcher, or the guy who drives over-decorated taxi cabs. The main announcer guy is always speaking in an overly-dramatic voice, and the little phrases sung in the background crack me up!

What I didn't realize was how MANY of these commercials have been made. I've only heard a fraction of them, something I plan on rectifying once I get home from work today. Go here to see the links to all of them: http://thefuntimesguide.com/2004/10/bud_light_real.php, when you click on them then scroll down on the next page til you find the red Arrow for Listen.

If I ever decide I like beer, or that I want to drink beer, I think I'll have to drink Bud Light just to help support the company and keep these wonderful commercials alive.

Stockholming Myself, Day 3

Sorry it's a little blurry, I was in a rush cause my daughter was NAGGING me to go to blockbuster and take these movies back and get new ones (we have a month-long "pass").

Look! NOT BLACK! Yay!! This is one of those "questionably may look you look pregnant" tops that is kinda annoying. But I do love that color.

Stockholming Myself, Day 2

Well I promise these pants aren't quite so tent-like in real life, they are actually extremely comfortable flowy pants-skirty type things. That'll teach me not to just stand straight as a pole.

Sensing a theme in my wardrobe? BLACK! Or dark colors. Hazards of being a sign language interpreter.. all my clothes tend to be solids and dark colors so my hands are easier to see.

Stockholming Myself, Day 1

An online blogger friend TJ is doing an amazing project, in which she takes a picture of herself everyday and posts it. It's not about diet, or exercise, or to hear criticism or praise. It's about looking at yourself every day until you like what you see -- either through change or acceptance*.

Here's a link to her latest post regarding this: http://bit.ly/aA1qJN

I think it's a fabulous idea, and I'm joining in! Therefore, here's my Day 1:



Just home from work (yay Jeans day!)

Some amusing notes on this pic:

1. I had to unbury that mirror from behind my dresser, where it was covered with a blanket, and then wash it 3 times with windex to get all the dust off of it. That's how much I hate looking in the mirror.

2. Look! laundry baskets! Yes, they are almost always in my room, and almost always filled with clean laundry that needs folded and put away.

3. I had to borrow a floor lamp from downstairs for more lighting, apparently my room is a cave. Which is how I like it.

3. My expression isn't really smiling-smiling, because I'm trying not to laugh. My daughter was in the bath across the hall, and I could hear her humming and singing the whole time I was trying to setup the mirror. I asked her after what she was singing, she said: "oh, it's a translation of one of the Swedish songs I like." (Which is Dota, by Basshunter) Understand she will NEVER sing in public where she knows someone can hear her. She's so cute.

Oh and I'd take a FULL body pic, if I had a full-body mirror. This is all I gots.


*phrasing courtesy of TJ

I've Got It Covered

I think people are putting WAY too much emphasis on Covers these days. For example:

1. Paper Toilet Seat covers.

Yes, I understand we all have butt cooties and you don't wanna get whatever scary thing the last person had crawling about their person. The CONCEPT is good. The actual execution, not so much. I did try to use these a few times, but apparently from the time I carefully align the little circle of paper on the seat, to the time I actually turn around and start to SIT, there's too much going on and it always ends in disaster. It seems my butt is big enough to create a jet-stream-like air current when I try to actually SIT, that it will then blow the wafer-thin paper so that half of the thing is now submerged into the toilet water, thereby doing that cool "wicking" effect where the water is slowing absorbed up the paper ONTO MY BUTT where the remaining paper resides. But of course you realize this a second too late. uncool.

2. Baggies on remote controls.

WTF? Are people so germaphobic they have to put their TV remote controls in baggies?? You realize that your kids are still putting their grubby little hands all over the BAGGIE, which you're then holding.. so.. yeah.. Or is this one of those "I'm such a slob I'll drop this in my chip dip as I'm channel surfing" things? If that's the case, well maybe I'd understand. Still, there's no way I could do it though, cause I know I'd end up trying to blow as much air into the baggie as possible and close it quickly, and then smash down on it to not only change the channel, but also BAM pop that sucker and scare the crap outta the closest family member. Or the cat. Or both.

3. Plastic couch covers.

I realize when you get that old hand-me-down couch from Aunt Betty (hey! free couch! can't pass that up), and her little teacup chihuahua has been using the couch arms as it's personal chew toy for years, that this sucker needs SOMETHING over it to make it psuedo-presentable. There are many stylish and affordable cloth covers you can buy that will pretty it up and still be comfortable and keep that sprung spring from sticking up your butt while watching CSI. What I don't get is using PLASTIC couch covers. Sure, it's better than Scotch guard for keeping spills off your couch. Instead they'll just pool into your ass, or stream off onto the carpeting. Summer time in shorts -- yeehaw! Bring me a spatula to separate my sweaty thighs from where the plastic has fused to them. "Stop moving! I can't hear my show over the loud plastic crinkle noises." "WHAT??! "

4. Lamp Shade plastic covers.

These are like loose fitting condoms for lamp shades.. like your lamp is suddenly gonna get jiggy with the floor lamp over there, and you'll end up with a bunch of little desk lamps to support. YES I know the purpose is a dust cover but in my house that just means I'll have an ugly lamp condom covered with dust as opposed to a pretty lamp shade covered with dust.

5. Umbrella covers.

I'm referring to the little sheath that the umbrella comes in. Theoretically I suppose they are for when you use the umbrella and it's all wet and you need to store it in your bag or backpack but don't want the wet to get on everything. But seriously.. have you ever tried fitting a wet, or even dry, umbrella back into that?? That's like trying to put on a wet bathing suit. WAY too much effort. Then later I'm supposed to remember to get my umbrella out and open it up to let it dry, and turn that little cover inside out to dry? Yeah right I'm lucky if I remembered an umbrella at all.

Del

My Life As A Horse

There was a period of time in my childhood, where I lived on a rural farm. We had a barn, chickens, dogs, cats, cows, and eventually a few horses.

During this time, I was obsessed with playing with plastic horses. No Barbies here, thank you very much. It was all about the horses. The only thing Barbies were good for was riding ON my plastic horses. But of course back then you didn't have the all-new bendy joint Barbies, so getting their little Ken-gets-no-action (which is probably why Ken ended up batting for the other team) clenched legs open enough to sit a horse was just about impossible. Anyway, I digress. I was horse CRAZY.

If I was not playing with plastic horses, I was BEING a horse. Yes, crawling around on all fours, galloping, bucking, neighing. I even had a bridle that was brand new and never used for some reason, that I managed to quasi-equip on myself which was awesome when I lost baby teeth that made gaps where the bit would go.

Things I learned as a horse:

1. All grass is not equal. Yes, I ate grass. Hellooo I was a horse! Some grass tastes better than other grass, and ALL grass makes juice that lets you spit green. This is awesome.

2. Eating grass can lead to getting worms. No not earthworms, I mean parasitic worms in your guts. My poor parents.

3. Hay not only smells good, it tastes good. Yay for roughage!

4. Sweet feed is yummy. It's the molasses, don't you know.

5. Crawling around on your knees all the time will pretty much wear the knees out of any pair of pants. I had so many brand new pants with holey knees my mom started ironing on patches to extend their life. I even wore knee holes into my snow suit. My poor parents. These days I would just buy my kid knee pads but back then *shrug*.

6. People who are not Zen with their inner horse will not fully appreciate when you are in such a state. Work with me here people.. BE THE HORSE.

The most important thing I later realized is the only thing better than BEING a horse, is owning a horse. More specifically, when you're too young to have to worry about the expense of upkeep, and can just ride the thing all over the place bareback like a little hellion.

I've never outgrown my love for horses, and someday perhaps I'll own some of my own. I promise I wouldn't even steal their sweet feed. Much.

ps. and yes, I still have plastic horses. So there.