Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Pieces of Me

My grandmother died recently. She had been struggling with her health for awhile, and towards the end could barely even eat. Now she's at peace.

I am sad. I am not heart-broken. I wasn't that close to my grandmother. My mom (her daughter) had a completely fucked-up childhood, and part of me was, and is, still angry at my grandmother about it. I do have good memories of my grandmother. I remember her singing around the house. She was the only person to ever call me "Shel-baby" even when I was grown. She was stubborn, and opinionated, and loved the Lord.

What makes me more sad, in a selfish way, is that as I get older, and family members and friends pass away, it feels like I'm losing pieces of myself. There are shared experiences that perhaps only myself and that person knew about, and now I am the sole keeper of that memory. My brother and mother have already passed away. There are memories that we shared that no one else in the world did, and now it's up to me to remember. It's a scary responsibility. I have trouble remembering what I need to get at the store without a list. I know so many things have slipped away as time has passed, and I mourn the loss of every memory. Now I see the attraction for blogging, or journalling, or writing memoirs. It's a way we can desperately get everything we remember out somewhere where other people can share in the memories before they are lost forever.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

When It Rains.. Hey Wait This Is Seattle..

I've come to the conclusion that sometimes life feels like it's in league with the big Hollywood movie production companies. Ever notice how it seems that the SAME type of movies all come out at the SAME time? Like.. oh look.. 4 space movies hitting the big screens, or.. oh ok 3 different CGI movies.. It's like they have little spies in each others' offices, and are leaking what the projects are and they ALL must make the exact same type of movie for some stupid reason. There are, of course, exceptions but it's definately a trend I've noticed over the years.

How, you ask, does this relate to Life? It seems to me in life that things seem to hit in waves, and it seems to be the same TYPE of stuff.

Right now, I've got the following birthdays coming up within the next month and a half: two kids, my son's girlfriend's, my kids' biological dad's birthday and my mother-in-law. I love my kids, and you'd think I'd be a Pro at these birthday things, but boy they are stressful. I don't have a clue how people with multiple births can do it.. even dealing with TWO kids and all their friends in one place all birthday-party-hyped-up is hair-pulling! I've got to remember to send cards for the out of state folks *before* we get on our upcoming cruise, and my mother-in-law's birthday will occur while we're on our upcoming cruise, so I'm sure we'll all have fun celebrating it together... by watching her play in the ship casino *wink*.

I have a good friend in the hospital recovering from surgery (HI WALF!). He sounds like he's on the road to recovery but it's frustrating not being able to go and visit and tease support him during this time. I also have a dear friend back in Ohio that just started going through chemotherapy for lung cancer. And.. yesterday I found out my cousin Teresa who lives on the east coast has just been diagnosed with breast cancer, and will be undergoing a double mastectomy and chemotherapy. In all of these situations I am far away, and helpless, and can only send my support and prayers. UGH. I want to be there making casseroles or pet watching, or just HOLDING THEIR HANDS by their bedside as they go through these challenges.

Have you noticed this type of trending in your life, where it seems that everything hits at once, and it's all similar?