Thursday, January 28, 2010

No Shame - Come Have A Baby With Me!

Recently my daughter has suffered some health issues, which I'm thankful to say seem to have been solved. Hopefully they won't reoccur. What I thought was rather amusing was that she's at that age where things are EMBARRASSING. Like... ANYTHING related to herself, her medical issues. If I try to talk to my husband about it, and her older brother is in the room OMGHISSYFIT "MOM! WHY did you have to say it IN FRONT OF HIM?!!!" Me: um... I was talking about ultrasounds, how is that embarassing??? I guess I can remember being embarrassed about body stuff when I was her age and into puberty (the first time I had a period my mom asked if I needed help in the (public) bathroom I was MORTIFIED "NO MOM! OH MY GAWD!!")

Most things just don't phase me now. Perhaps it's my age. Perhaps it's having 3 kids, and having lived through diaper changing, babies spitting up on other people, cleaning throwup out of the bathroom sink (SERIOUSLY, my son threw up in the SINK.. who does that??!!! You can't just let it go down you have to SCOOP IT OUT and transfer it to the toilet cause it's all chunky and nasty. UGH).

But really, I think it's childbirth.

Unless you've ever actually had a baby, I don't know if you'll fully grasp this but I'll try to explain. If you're at least a woman, you'll have some idea.. because every year since you've come "of age" you've gone to a GYN doctor and gotten to have an instrument that looks like it is the thing they use to "mechanically separate chicken" shoved up your hoohaw and been poked and prodded. The first few times you do this it's HORRIBLY awkward and embarrassing and awful. Years and years later it's old hat and whatever. Childbirth is like that too, only moreso, esp if you have more than one child.

Once you become pregnant, you have to go to the doctor semi-regularly for checks, and then frequently as the birth date approaches. Every time you go towards the end they're checking your cervix to see if it's thinned or started to open. Either the OB does it themselves, or the nurse.. see? They're acclimating you to becoming desensitized to more people have access to your no-no place..

By the time you're in labor, your back hurts, contractions hurt like hell, you're tired, you're hungry and thirsty, and you WANT THIS THING OUT OF YOU. At that point you're on a table in stirrups (yeehaw! cowboys never had stirrups like these!), and nurses, orderlies, or maybe the janitor keeps coming in to check to see how far along you are, including again doing the cervix check (um.. that's with their hand, in case you're missing this). Yes, that's right.. people you've NEVER EVEN MET before today are sticking their fingers where the sun don't shine. And guess what, you're EXCITED ABOUT IT.. because when you hit that magic number 10, and contractions are coming one on top of another then you can PUSH.... and then this HORRIBLE OUCHY PRESSURE will go away. At that point you'll just about agree to anything to be DONE.. "what??!*pantpant* you want to bring in a group of interns to watch?? does that mean I can push?? YESSUREOMGIDONTCARE".

Finally you're done, the baby is out, and the sense of relief is so amazing that you want to cry. At this point if you've had an epidural block you get your anesthesiologist's name and address because they are now on your Christmas card list for the rest of forever and you're actually considering name your new baby after them.

All of that has basically made me completely un-selfconscious when it comes to going to doctors, or anything medical or biological-related (as you can see, cause of all the junk I just shared with you!) I guess I hope my daughter doesn't have this experience for a long, long time. ;)


Sunday, January 24, 2010


Stuff heard in our van after discovering a bag of Jelly Bellys jelly beans:

"Mmmmmmm coffee..."

"Ewwww!!! coffee!!.."

"What's this one? I think it's cotton candy. EWWW it's strawberry!!"*

"You know you can eat a yellow, green, and red all together and it's good." "You're out of control"


"Mmmm chocolate" "I want chocolate!" "It was brown." "UGH THAT'S CAPPUCINO" "It was a different brown."

"YES, Blue IS a flavor. Periwinkle, however, should NEVER be a flavor."

*Strawberry in itself is not gross, however if you are expecting cotton candy, it is.
** I believe it was the horrifically over-fake-buttery popcorn flavored one that caused this.


I Go For The Parking

Our local county library is only about 5 minutes from our house. I must admit I was rather spoiled in Ohio with the superb library system we lived near, so this one is rather disappointing. It's kinda small, they have an almost non-existent DVD collection, and worst of all.. they lump all their fiction and sci-fi/fantasy together (HORROR!). They also don't actually enter a large portion of their paperbacks into the system by name.. they are listed as PAPERBACK ADULT. So.. if I check something out and can't remember the name of it come time to bring it back.. I'm digging through my shelves of paperbacks trying to find it without knowing the name. What a pain. I'm sure it's because of state funding to libraries. Too expensive to take the time and energy to catalog stuff that falls apart too easily. Have said all that, it's better than NO library.

And there's the parking lot.

I'm a country girl at heart. Big city, the smell of asphalt in the morning, sky scrapers.. doesn't do it for me. I want grass, and nature, and trees. While I may find the library itself somewhat lacking, I'd go there if for no other reason than to sit outside in the parking lot.

I can quite confidently say, that this is BY FAR, the coolest, most impractical parking lot I have ever seen in my life. Apparently there must have been a forest on this parcel of land, and rather than raze down all the impossibly tall gorgeous trees as any normal big developer would do, they decided to leave as many as possible, and build the library building and parking lot *around* them. It's awesome.

Here's the front of the library:

Already you can see, there's trees practically HUGGING it.. they go all the way around it front/sides/back.. and they are like 70-100 feet tall, mostly conifers.

Here's a pic just as you come out of the library, looking towards the parking lot:


Now, not only are there trees all over the place, they built the parking spots AROUND them. Which means, the parking lot twists and winds around them, and there are all sorts of weird parking spots that are only 1 or 2 wide. COMPLETELY impractical in a state where usually parking is a premium and I love it.

Case in point:

One spot. ONE. And look.. there's a canopy of trees there which make it almost like a little secret fort parking space. Pure WIN. Who wouldn't want to park in their own single space, where no one can ding your car, and you can totally pretend you're the VIP of the forest with reserved special parking??

Another example:

They have lots of single parking spots, and you can't see it, but my van on the left is in a 2-wide parking space. It's ridiculously cool!

See? They're all catywhompus and crazy and awesome:

The only downside to this is that a lot of them are labeled "Compact" probably because they didn't have enough room between the trees to make a full regular parking space. So worth it.

Some local hooligans that felt the need to play in the trees (well, one of them did, anyway):

Library: 0 Parking Lot: 1


Saturday, January 23, 2010

They Don't Even Really Look The Same

Daughter: Mom, can I have a cucumber?

Me: Sure.

*a few hours later*

Daughter: Can I have the rest of the cheez-its in the box? Oh that cucumber tasted funny..

Me: Did you eat one of the zucchinis I had in there? They don't even look the same, the texture and EVERYTHING is different about them??!

Daughter: I just.. just cut the end off.. *stands with dumbfounded horror-struck look of dawning realization*


Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Shopping Rant

I am the primary grocery shopper of the house. Lem is great to run to the store for one or two things, but if it's a big shopping trip stocking up the shelves, he just doesn't do well thinking outside the list (get it, like outside the box.. but.. oh nvm why do I bother..).

Perhaps I am not like your typical woman. I hate shopping. I hate clothes shopping. I hate grocery shopping. I hate having to figure out a menu for the next week or two, figuring out the ingredients I need, and then I really hate having to actually GO to the store and do the shopping. Don't get me started on spending money. UGH.

After being traumatized by all of this, I then have to face the Shopping Cart Guilt Trip. You all know what I'm talking about. You load all your groceries into the car, and then you have this empty shopping cart. Now obviously if I'm parked next to, or perhaps one space away from, the little shopping cart corral thingie I have no problem with sticking the cart in there and being on my merry way. But here in Washington, apparently parking lot space is at a premium because they have TWO whole cart corrals in the entire big parking lot. I kid you not.

And the spots near them are always nabbed by those early morning shoppers who apparently camped out overnight just so they could grab those coveted spots near the cart corrals. They're evil, I'm telling you.

My oldest son worked for a large grocery store chain awhile back. He was also one of the kids responsible for gathering up all the carts in the lot and dragging them either to the corrals or into the store. At the time while he was slogging through sleet and slush and YUCK and doing this, I had pity for him and was very very good about returning my cart into the cart corral, regardless of the store. Now, I have a husband who is such a BOYSCOUT. I mean it in the most loving way, but he will (I swear to God) truck that little cart all the way across the state if necessary, in the pouring rain, to get it back to it's little home. And.. apparently everyone in this state feels the same way cause there are NEVER any carts in the parking lot, and I never see any little store kids out gathering them up.

So now I have the guilt of having seen my son busting his butt gathering carts, I have my husband's silent example admonishing me to do the right thing and bring the cart back and worst of all I have PEER PRESSURE of all the other shoppers who apparently are all goody-goodies and put their carts back.

I've decided if I could have a Somewhat Convenient Power (see then it would be the power to Return My Shopping Cart To The Cart Corral. With a wave of my hand the cart would magically POOF! Over into the Cart Corral in a neat orderly fashion stacked with the other carts already there. How cool would that be?!!


No Driver's License For Her!

*Stuck in traffic*

daughter: ohhh! Look! There's one of those box cars*!

me: ewwww!

daughter: I am SO getting one of those, it will be white with orange flames on the side. You won't even want to be seen with me. I'm going to drive you EVERYWHERE.

me: ...


*box cars: one of the many types of cars out these days that resembles a cardboard box on wheels

Saturday, January 16, 2010

It's The Little Things In Life

iPod Touch: $250

Hours spent reorganizing and then loading music onto it: 8

Dinner ingredients: $16

Annoying the crap out of my daughter as I cook dinner, while she tries to watch TV in the enjoined room, by dancing the Numa Numa Dance and singing as loud as I can along to "Dragostea din tei": Priceless

Thursday, January 14, 2010

I'm a Toys-R-Us Kid

Confession time, Internet! I refuse to grow up. Oh sure, I do grown-up stuff. Bills, work, raise kids, etc. BUT.. inside, I'm still just a big kid.

Here are some examples of stuff I still do, that for some reason most adults don't seem to do. What is WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! Lighten up and enjoy life, will ya??

1. Puddles. I *LOVE* puddles. Whether walking or driving, they are there FOR A REASON! No, it's not because of bad drainage.. it's so you can jump in them as hard as you can (preferably while next to someone else) or drive through them. Yeah yeah.. water on brakes, warps brake pads blah blah.. give it a rest.. it's not like I do it *every day*. Though if I could...

There is something gleeful about splashing through puddles, or through the little river that is running down the side of the road. If you can do this while it's downpouring (assuming it's not freezing out, or lightninging), then GO FOR IT!

2. Soap bubbles. When you're loading the dishwasher, or washing a few big stuff by hand, you use regular dish soap in a bottle. Did you know when you squirt some out then flip the bottle back upright, if you squeeze it real quick the soap layer covering the opening will then produce a stream of tiny little bubbles into the air? SO COOL! I have wasted a bunch of soap doing this over the years, and making soap bubbles with my hand (picture an OK sign, cover with film of soap, blow through).. Bubbles make me giggle, especially itty bitty ones.

3. Spongebob. I love the Spongebob cartoon. He's yellow. He's a sponge. He lives in a PINEAPPLE! How cool is that?? I could never live in a pineapple because I would end up eating it. Wait.. that would be AWESOME! If you wanted a snack, you could just nibble on the wall..
I also feel like sometimes I have to deal with a bunch of "Patricks" in life.. Also I want to live in a world where fire works underwater. No, not special weird-chemical fire stuff, REAL campfires.

4. Climbing. Anything that can be climbed, should be climbed. I'm not talking mountains. I'm talking trees. Freaky huge rocks. Roofs. STUFF. Cats have the right idea.. everything looks way cooler when you're up high and besides then you can spit on stuff below you.

5. Video Games. No, I'm not talking Call of Duty 4. Or even World of Warcraft. I'm talking.. Cooking Mama! Super Mario! ANY Legos game (omg Harry Potter Legos coming out in March -- squeeeeee!!!!). Get in touch with that little kid in you that spent hours getting powerups. Got news for you, they're even MORE fun now, cause now you have the patience to do stuff over and over and over again since your lame old person hand-eye coordination sucks now.

6. Icicles. Icicles are AMAZING! You can just knock down a whole row of them hanging from a house and get deep satisfaction from the shattering wreckage you cause, you can grab down a huge icicle and pretend to use it as a light saber and hit your family with it (causing it to shatter all over them - yay!), or you can happily gnaw on it until you realize the hand holding it has gone completely numb and you then slam it to the sidewalk to watch it shrapnel bomb all over the place. COOL!

What fun "kid" stuff do you do? Oh yeah.. Toys-R-Us? DEFINATELY play with all the toys as you go through the aisles.


Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The Horror!!!

As some of you may know, I like chocolate. A lot. In fact, I can safely say I'm a chocolate snob. Nay, even a connoisseur! (Which I'm pretty sure means "will eat just about any form of this food", yeah I just made that up).

Short detour: I like bananas. They are healthy. They taste great. They are fun to eat, and the little blue sticker on them fits perfectly on your nose. What I do NOT like about them is that they are trying to take over the world with their Banana Smell of Banananess!!! You know what I mean. Ever eat a banana in the car, and you stick the peel in your car trash bag (everyone has one of these, right?) or worse, just in the little middle console thing to throw away later? And then you come back later, and it has transmutated into this little brown/black pungeant banana-smell generator that's 20 times more potent smelling than the original banana. You can take it out of your car at this point and you'll still be smelling it for days.

Back to the point: I got a bunch of little yummy individually wrapped chocolates in my Christmas stocking from Santa. I have been slowly nibbling on them since then, taking some to work with me in my lunch bag (which is a plastic grocery bag, recycled into a snazzy lunch bag by virtue of me throwing my lunch food into it and taking it to work, hey.. I'm environmentally friendly! Shush you).

So I took a bunch, and stuck them in my bag, and stuck a banana in there for work. I did not, however, make the time to eat said banana, perchance I wasn't in a banana mood, or didn't have time on my luxurious 10-min lunch break. It stayed in the bag. With my chocolates. Do you see where this is going? I brought it back home and in my usual organized fashion, threw it on the little table by the front door. Where it sat for a few days. Until I remembered it, and wanted my chocolates.

I found the bag, pitched the slightly dismayed looking banana (it's brown pattern was frowning at me), and suspiciously smelled the wrapped chocolately goodness.. hmmmm... *seemed* ok...

Start playing on the computer, unwrap and dig into the first chocolate. GAAAAH!!!!!!!! Banana-flavored chocolate. My chocolates were TAINTED!!! CONTAMINATED! If I wanted chocolate-covered bananas I'd buy them specifically, this was so Wrong!

It's like.. when you usually drink pop (no NOT soda.. soda is something you mix into some kind of fancy drink that I think involves alcohol, so there), and you get a glass of milk, and you're busy doing something and you aren't paying attention and you take a drink and you were expecting pop and BLEAH it's milk and your whole digestive system is like WTF??

And the worst part was I had some PURE chocolates that were left in my stocking that I had just dumped in the bag when I retrieved it.. so they were now MINGLING with these evil banana-flavored chocolate buzz-killers. It was like playing chocolate russian roulette. Would I risk it? Would it be a chocolate banana bomb?!!

So I ate them anyway.


Monday, January 11, 2010

An Active Imagination

So yeah, I was just in the bathroom here at work. It's a public bathroom that the building provides and our office rents a space, so when you go in there are three stalls. I'm in the middle one, and have just sat down to er.. do my business.. when I hear a series of rattling sounds DIRECTLY OVER MY HEAD in the ceiling. Now, it kind of sounded like someone dragging a cable through the drop-down ceiling. But since there are no workmen around that I noticed upon entering, this seems unlikely. It also had a sound like a million small insectoid-like creatures skittering through the ceiling, and I look up and there's a little AC vent DIRECTLY OVER MY HEAD in the ceiling. I say (outloud), "Oh seriously, if a bunch of little creatures start dropping onto my head from that vent I am SO outta here." (thankfully I was the solo occupant of the bathroom at the time).

Literally SECONDS later (not joking), I hear a weird KACHUNKFSSSST just above me to the left, and as I jerk my gaze upwards I see a small mist cloud puffing up from the stall next to me. Momentary freakout (THE INSECTS ARE ATTACKING!!!) until my brain connects the sound, with the small automatic air freshener attached to the wall above and between my stall and the one next to me.

OK NOT FUNNY BATHROOM MAKER PEOPLE. Good thing I was already on the pot..


Friday, January 8, 2010

When It Rains...

Well, technically here in the Seattle area when it rains, it can drizzle, mist, pound, and a million other variations. However as far as the analogy goes, it always seems that in life, a bunch of stuff happens at once. This is actually a silly notion, since things are of course happening all the time, but sometimes if they are bad or stressful, they all seem to pile up at once.

Our daughter has been fighting a chronic bladder infection for almost 2 months now. She's been on multiple antibiotics, cranberry tablets, tried going potty more, and drinking more fluids. It's now spread to her kidneys which is very painful and has caused her to spike some pretty uncomfortable fevers. This latest development hit a couple days ago, she's been x-rayed, is going to have an ultrasound, and is on yet another antibiotic and a laxative to make sure everything is flowing, well.. smoothly. As a parent it's really horrid when your kids are sick and even though you've taken all the steps you can, it's a waiting game to see if medicines, sleep, and time will make the difference. As Indigo said.. I Hate Waiting. Nothing like trying to stay positive and supportive and patient when you're running on little sleep. She's been a super trooper this whole time.

A few nights ago my Uncle Mike passed away. He had been fighting cancer, and is now finally at peace. He'll always be Crazy Uncle Mike to me.. I really haven't associated with him in recent years since he lived in South (?) Carolina, but I remember younger days of playing with my cousins, and him always being a total goofball. He always had a knack for making everyone laugh, just a wicked sense of humor. He and my Aunt Jeannette had a pickup truck and it had a camper on the back. I was always so envious of that camper, I imagined driving cross country and having your own little house with you. That's probably why even to this day I have a total crush on the big luxury campers and plan on owning one someday.

Anyway, that's what's going on right now, and why I've been a little too preoccupied to type out any new entries. I will say we finally saw Julie and Julia, and it was truly a splendid movie. I've always liked Julia Childs, I remember watching her cooking show when I was growing up. I think Meryl Streep did a lovely job of representing her (though to be honest, Meryl is still just a little too pretty for the role). Very satisfying movie.

Keep our girlie in your thoughts and prayers.


Sunday, January 3, 2010

Garlic??? What the Hell...

Ok, I like garlic as much as the next person. Ok, that's a lie. I pretty much hate garlic. I hate the smell, I hate the flavor. I hate it's overpoweringness in anything it's added to, in that it becomes all I can taste and it makes my stomach uber-sick. Now that we all understand that..

We went out to dinner last night as a belated Birthday dinner for yours truly, and as such I picked Mizu. It's a japanese steakhouse, rather pricey as those are, but I figured that's what I got that birthday money for, right?

[related anecdote]: So for Lem's last birthday I took him to Benihana. It's a japanese steakhouse nationwide, same as above kinda pricey but the food is wonderful. Should I say, it used to be wonderful. Now,they cook everything with garlic butter. Ev-Ry-Thing. The fried rice. The vegetables. The steak. THE FREAKIN STEAK. And they put a shitload of finely chopped onions (did I mention I hate onions too?) in the fried rice, which made it inedible for me. Basically I paid a shitload of $$ for food that I couldn't eat. I was unhappy. That is an understatement.

Back to Mizu. So we sit down, and the table across from us is already underway with their chef cooking.. and I can see the contents of his little food cart. Hmm... that huge bowl of butter has green bits in it. Butter does not normally have green bits in it in it's natural state, unless maybe you fed the cow some really good weed or something. The waitress comes over and I ask her if the butter is garlic butter. She says no, another worker overhears her and corrects her, yes it's garlic butter. I verify that they can in fact substitute plain butter. *whew*

Our chef comes out, starts taking our order. I ask to see the rice he'll use to make the fried rice. He pulls out a huge platter with a pile of cooked white rice on it, and on top they've dumped enough diced onions to depopulate an entire garden of onions. *gag* I ask him if he can switch it out for rice WITHOUT onions.. which he very nicely does. The rest of the meal proceeded and the food was quite tasty. They even put small cut-up shoots of asparagus with the shrimp appetizers. Big kudos to my family, including the in-laws, for letting me take over dinner and putting up with my pickiness. But really.. they put SO MUCH of that garlic butter in there all you can taste is garlic. I can go to the damn grocery store and buy garlic for a couple dollars, and saturate all my food at home if I want to. If I'm paying $20-$30 per PLATE at a restaurant, I want to taste the FOOD I'm paying for, not garlic with a hint of steak flavor, thank you very much. Same with the onions.

Yes, spare me the "oh but garlic is SOOOO good for you" lectures. I don't like it. I don't anticipate liking it anytime in the near future, and I don't have to eat it. So there!


Movies, Movies, Movies!

Still enjoying our week-long unlimited Blockbuster pass.. those poor suckers really lost money on us, I tell ya!

Well, we watched Angels & Demons, and (500) Days of Summer the other night.

I've been trying to avoid writing any spoilers here in case any reader hasn't yet watched one of these movies but plans to, so with that in mind, here's my comments about Angels & Demons:


That, in summary, is the movie. Beautiful cinematography -- master shots blending real life shots, built sets, and CGI goodness. Some predictability with the plot. Some twists. It's like.. National Treasure but with Theology crammed down your throat at every step. 'Nuff said.

(500) Days of Summer: This is a quasi-romantic comedy. NOT a love story. No! STOP! Do NOT IMDB, or Google, or Wikipedia it. Just don't. Go rent it, and watch it with no knowledge of what it's about, or even what the title means. It's quirky. It has many funny spots. It has some sad spots. I wish they would have developed the female character's personality and background better so you can understand her better, but overall I liked it. The one part, that has faux artsy-fartsy black and white subtitled films? Yeah that made me think of my brother Dan's preference for those types of movies and I laughed and laughed at the silliness.

And yes, OMG we traded these in and just got Julie & Julia, will prob watch that if not tonight than tomorrow night.


Friday, January 1, 2010

Dialogue, Dinner Time

Me: That Hot Pocket smells very hot-pockety*.

Son: It's very hot.

Me: Yeah, that's why they call it Hot Pocket. It's so people can't sue when they bite into the liquid hot-magma interior.

Son: What if you eat it cold?

Me: Then it's a Cold Hot Pocket. And then the Universe would implode.


*yes. hot-pockety is a distinct smell. It's the smell of nitro-hot nameless uncertain contents wrapped in an out layer of faux crust that tastes not entirely unlike parchment paper. Not that I make a habit out of eating parchment paper. Usually.

The Things I Do For You People

It's time for me to help you get in touch with your inner burp. Yes, that's right, no more laying awake at night pondering the meaning of the Universe as it applies to Burp Science. If you're easily grossed out, then by all means keep reading so you end up puking on your keyboard. Just make sure you get a family member with a camera ready first so they can upload the pics to me and I can laugh and laugh and mock you. :)

So, as we all know, some foods, or drinks (carbonated in particular) will cause you to burp. What I've noticed is that some burps are BETTER than others. I'm not talking volume, or strength.. actually my daughter has us all beat on that one (how the hell a little body like hers can house such a resonating chamber I still don't know).

I'm talking QUALITY, people. All burps taste (and usually smell) like that which you ate (though some drink burps will in fact reflect what you ate too, they get complicated). Admit it, there are just some foods that burp better than others. Unsurprisingly, people differ as to their favorite burp subject matter. They, of course, are nuts, because mine are the only ones that matter. They are:


Watermelon. Watermelon burps are so yummy it's like you're eating it all over again, but without worrying about seeds that will grow watermelons in your stomach.

Salad (with correct dressing). Viva Italian or Ranch dressing salad burps are divine. They remind you that you COULD have eaten something healthy but instead chose to liberally saturate it with a completely unhealthy delicious dressing.

Steak. That's right, you're not some leaf-eating rabbit, you're a MEAT EATER!! RAWR! SMELL THE CARNIVORE!

Baked beans. What could be better than something that will produce gas from BOTH ends??!


Hotdogs. Even high quality Oscar Mayer (yes, I did have to sing the song in my head, shutup you).. nothing says *urp* like processed meat.

Tuna salad. It was fishy on the way down, and now it's fishy-acidic YUCK coming back up. Note: these burps are excellent for tormenting the cat.

Salad (with wrong dressing). Ever go to some buffet, and all they have is weird generic off-brand pseudo-dressings that are probably actually paint thinner that they bought in bulk from an art store that was going out of business? It's difficult to actually taste test while in line, so you go ahead and risk it, go sit down, and EWWWW so nasty. But, now you have Guilt because there are little starving children in Africa that would gladly eat turpentine salad every meal, every day if they could, so you suck it up and eat it anyway. And then later you have horrific Salvadore Dali burps.

Pickled beets. Ok, I admit it, I can't remember the last time I actually ATE a pickled beet. But, I imagine the burps would be just as unappetizing as they appear to be. Even my imagination gets queasy thinking about it. Hold on a sec taking an imaginary Tums. Ahhhh

So what I'm saying here is that I pretty much evaluate what I eat on TWO scales: 1. Burp Factor 2. Red Dawn Factor

Seriously. Lem can attest to the fact that at least once a week while I'm cooking I'll make the comment, "Yeah that's perfect Red Dawn food." This basically means a canned food that you can eat straight from the can upon opening without cooking/combining with liquids etc. and it would still be edible. I didn't even really LIKE the damn movie, but somehow when the teens were grubbing for food and stealing fruit and canned stuff, that stuck with me so now that's part of how I evaluate everything. BTW, Campbell's bean with bacon soup.. totally Red Dawn food.