Monday, April 5, 2010

My Life As A Horse

There was a period of time in my childhood, where I lived on a rural farm. We had a barn, chickens, dogs, cats, cows, and eventually a few horses.

During this time, I was obsessed with playing with plastic horses. No Barbies here, thank you very much. It was all about the horses. The only thing Barbies were good for was riding ON my plastic horses. But of course back then you didn't have the all-new bendy joint Barbies, so getting their little Ken-gets-no-action (which is probably why Ken ended up batting for the other team) clenched legs open enough to sit a horse was just about impossible. Anyway, I digress. I was horse CRAZY.

If I was not playing with plastic horses, I was BEING a horse. Yes, crawling around on all fours, galloping, bucking, neighing. I even had a bridle that was brand new and never used for some reason, that I managed to quasi-equip on myself which was awesome when I lost baby teeth that made gaps where the bit would go.

Things I learned as a horse:

1. All grass is not equal. Yes, I ate grass. Hellooo I was a horse! Some grass tastes better than other grass, and ALL grass makes juice that lets you spit green. This is awesome.

2. Eating grass can lead to getting worms. No not earthworms, I mean parasitic worms in your guts. My poor parents.

3. Hay not only smells good, it tastes good. Yay for roughage!

4. Sweet feed is yummy. It's the molasses, don't you know.

5. Crawling around on your knees all the time will pretty much wear the knees out of any pair of pants. I had so many brand new pants with holey knees my mom started ironing on patches to extend their life. I even wore knee holes into my snow suit. My poor parents. These days I would just buy my kid knee pads but back then *shrug*.

6. People who are not Zen with their inner horse will not fully appreciate when you are in such a state. Work with me here people.. BE THE HORSE.

The most important thing I later realized is the only thing better than BEING a horse, is owning a horse. More specifically, when you're too young to have to worry about the expense of upkeep, and can just ride the thing all over the place bareback like a little hellion.

I've never outgrown my love for horses, and someday perhaps I'll own some of my own. I promise I wouldn't even steal their sweet feed. Much.

ps. and yes, I still have plastic horses. So there.


  1. ... i want some sweet feed.

  2. I remember taking back a pair of week-old Sears Toughskins jeans you wore out. I handed them to the cashier with the receipt and, with two fingers holding the jeans, pivoted around and dropped them in the trash can and said, go get another pair....... It was most embarrassing for me but hey, I was raising a tiny horse in the house/outside - what could I say.......