Thursday, November 14, 2013


So November is the month in which guys are supposed to grow mustaches in support of men's cancer research. They rename the month Movember, and focus all their brain power on their upper lip follicles - grow! grow! GROW! Nick Offerman does funny videos every year about it, this is his latest one:

Here's the thing, there are SO FEW guys that can actually pull off growing just a mustache without looking like a porn-star wannabe. Sam Elliott comes to mind. That mustache plus his deep voice... niiiice. And then there's.. um... Billy Burke, in the Twilight movies. That's about it. Guys, if you're going to go for facial hair, stick to a full beard (TRIMMED NEATLY), or a goatee. Soul patches, mutton chops, mustaches, or amish-style beards.. just NO. If your face looks like you accidentally fell face-first onto a dead muskrat, and it stuck, then you really need to do something about that (plus, it's probably going to start smelling soon).

In honor of the month of Movember, I give you the CARSTACHE!

That's right, even cars can get into the spirit of the month. Though I think technically the placement of that mustache means the car grew it on its ass, but we won't quibble about that. No, guys, that doesn't mean you should manscape your ass hair into a mustache. Facial hair around the mouth already tends to be the dropping ground for various foods while eating, I don't even want to THINK about what an ass-stache would be a dropping ground for. Ew.

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