Monday, November 4, 2013

Regarding Morning Things

I am not a morning person. Anybody that knows me for any length of time knows this. I prefer to stay up really late (early?) and then sleep in really late. This rarely happens. Well, I should say, the staying up late happens all the time. The sleeping in, not so much.

Usually when I get up in the mornings to get ready for work, I'm in Zombie Mode. That shuffling, shambling, bumping into things along with grumbling mutterings. Sort of an autopilot mode, it usually suffices to get me propelled into the shower. Of course, there's a slight risk when turning off your brain when getting ready. Yesterday morning, I tried to take my morning pills by using my toothbrush as a water glass. I spent a few moments puzzling over why my toothbrush was not adequate for water holdage, before realizing what I was holding. This morning, I made a piece of toast for breakfast, and decided to put peanut butter on it. The entire time my bread toasted I stood looking down at the fork I had grabbed to spread the peanut butter on it, then was like.. the hell? This is a fork! I suppose I *could* have just flipped it around and used the handle to spread, but opted to exchange it for a butter knife. We won't discuss the time I tried to lock my front door as I was leaving with my mail key.

Understand, I can FAKE being a morning person, if I have to. If a kid knocks on my door in the early hours, I'm instantly awake and alert and can deal with whatever emergency is happening (what? the cat peed on your bed AGAIN? seriously, dude, keep your door shut). If I have early morning tasks I have to do, like travel or starting the crockpot, I can get up and be quite functional. Doesn't mean I *LIKE* to do it. Or that I'll do it cheerfully. It also inevitably means interacting with Morning People. Oh, Morning People. I think it's cool that some people like getting up before God Himself is even awake (looking at YOU, Dad) and I'm sure that the sunrise and quiet time is great. Doesn't mean I have to like it. Also doesn't mean I have to like your chipper, happy, bouncy, AWAKENESS that freakin early in the morning. At one point I came in to work, and a Morning Person here FOLLOWED ME THROUGH THE OFFICE chirping "Good Mornings" at me trying to get me to reciprocate. I may have snarled a bit. Of course that morning I also had a borderline migraine headache, so that wasn't improving my mood. Still. I think Morning People need to understand that the rest of us are here under duress, so just push the coffee/donuts/cereal/huge box of chocolate our way with a stick and back off and wait.


  1. Yep, I'm one of those annoying morning people. It's 4:15 a.m. as I type this. Hey, I was born this way, and you, the opposite. Viva La Difference!

  2. Yeah, me too, toots. But I've learned to be a silent morning person...except around your Dad. My Bruce is not an early bird and he's taught me to hush, tiptoe and go to another part of the house upon waking. Took years. ...Auntie Pat

  3. Wonderful posting, made me laugh like crazy! I've seen you in the mornings, putting up with both me and your dear ol' dad. Love, wicked

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